I have an extra ticket to the Minneapolis show tonight that I need to get rid of! Will you post this so it can find a forever home?

Of course!

 
15Jul14reblog
"

Lauren? I just noticed all these new framed pictures of human teeth on the studio wall!

» They’re lovely, right?

Yes, very! But that one? I don’t remember that picture! I don’t recall choosing to put a picture of a lighthouse in my radio studio! I would only choose pleasant images to look at. It is a very unpleasant image!

» I agree. I do not like it one bit. Let us try, for a moment, not to look at it.

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
08Jul14reblog
"

Wow! I think you were wrong. You didn’t become less kind at all!

» I didn’t?

No, you became more helpful.

» You’re right! Telling sad people to cheer up is like an extra level of kindness!

It totally is! That was a very informative financial report we just had. The markets are still terrible now, though. There might have to be layoffs, or disappearances, but I think it was worth it.

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
08Jul14reblog
"

What are you doing?

» Hang on-

Listeners, Lauren is doing something on her phone.

» And done. Let’s see if that yup! Yes, it seems to be! Wonderful!

What did you do?

» I just liquidated nearly all of my domestic stock, and the market is reacting quickly to it. Stock prices are plummeting. The markets are really terrible today.

That’s awful news! It’s a shame how people just don’t value hard work like they used to. You shouldn’t let your sadness and laziness destroy our economic future! Cheer up!

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
08Jul14reblog
"Down markets mean people aren’t working hard, and if people aren’t working hard, that must mean they’re sad and lazy! And when people are sad and lazy, I become less kind."

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
07Jul14reblog
"

Let’s have a look at financial news!

» The markets are really fantastic today!

Counterpoint? You’re really fantastic today!

» You’re too kind!

I’m kind because everything looks good in the financial markets!

» Would you be less kind if the markets were doing poorly?

I would! Down markets mean people aren’t working hard, and if people aren’t working hard, that must mean they’re sad and lazy! And when people are sad and lazy, I become less kind.

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
07Jul14reblog
"

It feels so good to redecorate.


» Does it? I rarely feel anything. I rarely feel anything at all.

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
07Jul14reblog
"

We’ve also hired the small civilization living under lane five of the Desert Valley Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. Since building owner Teddy Williams is busy at the company picnic and hasn’t paid his lease, the small army of tiny people are using the building as a headquarters. They’ve renamed it The Cathedral of Huntokhar, after their god.


» They’ve also torn down the Arby’s, and put in a contemporary sculpture, which is a 1:1 scale model replica of the Arby’s they just tore down.

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
06Jul14reblog
"

Oh, I know that forest! It’s a really nice forest! It complimented my outfit as I drove past it the other day. It whispered, “That vest fits you well, Kevin!”

It also whispered, “You have a clever and colorful fashion sense. You are a delight to be near!”

» That forest never whispers anything at me.

I actually stopped my car along the side of the road, because I was feeling welcomed — even beckoned — by such a nice community of trees. But as I approached, it whispered, “No! Your eyes! No! Please go! Please, leave us be!”

And I did. Because I have such a healthy respect for nature.

»I know you do. Vile, vile nature.

Anyway, we’re tearing that forest down to build a new corporate training facility!

» Great!

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
05Jul14reblog
"

Unfortunately, everyone’s having too much fun at the company picnic!

» Hmm

I doubt anyone will have any time – or the physical ability – to leave the picnic and adopt a stray floating cat.

» Oh, too bad! Well, I’ll have Daniel post the photos anyway, just so you can all see what you’re missing.

"

Welcome to Night Vale

Episode 48 - Renovations

 
04Jul14reblog